Embracing My Folklore

“Crystal, take a moment to relax. How do you want your life’s story to play out?”

If you asked me this two years ago, I would want my life to play out like folklore.

I dreamed about having my own home, journaling, blogging in my pajamas, eating morning brunch with a view, relaxing while reading and writing a book on my back porch, all without feeling a sense of guilt. However, I deemed this daydream unrealistic because of society, family, and even my circle of friends. I followed a mundane plan, and I stuck to it without wavering. Silly, I know, but I thought my life was limited to what I’d been told, and I stuck to the “realistic” regime, blending into the mainstream.

That was a false narrative I told myself, creating a life based on the perception of how others would see me and disregarded the life of my dreams. I eventually caused myself much anxiety, became closed-off, and didn’t follow a life of intent all because others didn’t recognize the value in my desires for my life.

It felt like a waste to me.

Imagine you’re starting to recreate your most magical life: waking up early, speaking words of abundance with affirmation cards, drinking coffee while watching the sunrise, journaling, setting intentions, and finding bliss even in the darkest of nights. But then, you are faced with the natural tension of fulfilling your desires vs fitting in, so you start to sink back into inauthentic, old habits, to protect yourself because of what others think.

I was her, surviving the most treacherous environment where I was made fun of for expressing myself. It was almost like I was embarrassed. And this story, this message, followed me into the course of my journey: who do I think I am? Someone even told me “You must think you’re Oprah. Stop what you’re doing and come do something more productive like washing the dishes.”

I threw intentions out the window and only felt safe and validated by repeating the same cycle every day: wake up, wash your face, eat breakfast, go to work, eat dinner, and repeat. I dreaded my life but little did I know I would be determined to redefine my story, in my own words, and in my own way. 

How could I try to escape a negative environment to find my identity?

I moved to a place where I knew no one and reinvented my own true image. This was one of the biggest decisions of my life, and it led me into the direction of the road less traveled. This brought me to a novel called The Road Back To You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery. I changed course from reckless identity to self knowledge. I was navigating the world in a way that felt comfortable and safe for me with labels that identified me.

I remember having a conversation with a relative in my car about some research I found on reinventing ourselves and why we think and do certain things.

She immediately fired back by saying, “You should know yourself and should not need a book or literature to tell you that.” I immediately felt emotional because I did not feel confident that I knew myself and feared being judged by society.

I responded, “You never thought to question your beliefs, and why do you believe those thoughts, since most of our thinking comes innately?

Even though she could not understand the wisdom in questioning our own motives, I was able to put the conversation behind me because I was so passionate about the topic of self-identity.

But I knew from that moment on that people are resistant to the idea that we should question who we are. It is a limitation that we set for ourselves based on societal viewpoints that long to curate a life for us. This restraint makes it easier to avoid childhood traumas or feelings that may seem unpleasant.

We avoid reliving the past, which keeps us in our comfort zones and makes us less vulnerable.

How are we going to self-identify without serious self-reflection and confronting the unpleasant things that shaped us?

Spending time in quiet mediation at the start of the day can help a person be less anxious. Anxious thoughts and feelings don’t always represent reality, and these are not true representations of a person’s life. Anxiety is kind of like a knee-jerk reaction. 

Sometimes we can’t control when or how we get anxious feelings. But like a muscle, it can be trained. 

Doing activities like mindfulness and meditation or yoga can help us learn to become less anxious or maintain better coping strategies when we become anxious. When we learn how to control our anxiety, we become healthier and can show up for ourselves in those tumultuous times.

But what about people that have demanding schedules, toxic environments, or simply are not a morning person?

My advice would be to find a way to work it into morning intentions. The person could try to do affirmations during the shower, or listen to a wellness podcast on their commute to work, or carve time out in the nighttime intention for something like journaling to reflect on the day, especially because mundane moments like commuting or showering can be when anxious thoughts invade. 

You don’t always need to move away to begin the process of self-discovery, but you do need to have a space where you can be transparent with yourself. 

Anxiety can definitely distort our perception of our life and make things seem scarier or more negative than they actually are. In other words, we constantly live lives in fear and allow our minds to be corrupted by others’ perceptions without much thought. Therefore, we can’t even tell our own narratives because they aren’t our observed and practiced perceptions. When we allow ourselves to get lost in anxious thoughts, we are bad “storytellers.” We can become better storytellers by taking time to think about our intentions. 

Remember, while our original perceptions are valid, if we have a positive mindset, we have more positive interactions with others and a better perspective on the world. Never underestimate the power of your mind.

XO,